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Tell Me a Story?
Yea: 75%  75%  [ 3 ]
Nay: 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Not As Is: 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain: 25%  25%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 4
Total voters : 4
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:31 pm 
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Title: The Tortoise and the Jester
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public
Word Count: 2000

This is for the voting "week" of February

The Tortoise and the Jester


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2019 7:30 am 
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Yea, it's an interesting piece due to a combination of tone and tantalizing hints; I really hope we'll get some more info about the situation sometimes soon.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:19 pm 
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This was fascinatingly terrifying.

I think what most of the others have said stands: the Jester's movements are all the right kinds of creepy, the timing on revealing the pertinent information is perfect to cue the audience in that something is wrong here (like the zoom-out to see the other sets of footprints), the almost macabre poetry and double-entendres throughout, it's all brilliant. Something that I didn't see commented on that bears noting was the peal of thunder. Scary stuff.

I am quite intrigued, and would love to see where this plot thread ends up leading.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:01 am 
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the only thing that stands out to me here is the reference to Möbius strips. it feels like a weird inclusion, partly because Möbius was a real person who doesn't exist in this setting, and partly because it's a concept from abstract mathematics, which seems a bit distant from the overall tone of the story. you also don't need to be a Möbius strip in order to continue forever: it just needs to be a loop. I assume it's there for the rhyme, but it feels like a weird stretch. I don't really see that that's enough to vote this down, but I wanted to mention it and see what your thoughts were.

:duel:

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